Nathalia Buttface and the Most Embarrassing Five Minutes of Fame Ever by Nigel Smith

Author:Nigel Smith [Nigel Smith]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Published: 2015-06-04T16:00:00+00:00

AT’S WEEK OF ACTIVITY CONTINUED ON Friday night with the opening of a brand-new bowling alley and ice-cream café at the retail park nearby. It was to be a grand, celebrity-studded affair. Dane Smarm from TV’s popular regional daytime quiz show You’re Useless, Get Lost was coming. So was reality star Ellie Stupid, who had become famous appearing in The Stupids from Stupid Street.

But more importantly, also on the guest list was:

NAT THE NORMAL GIRL!

Plus Dad and two other guests of her choice …

On Friday morning at school, Nat held the invite with trembling hands, her breakfast toast totally forgotten.

“Why didn’t you give me this before, Dad?” she said. “This is like the greatest thing to happen to me, ever.”

“Don’t be so sarky, I know it’s only a bowling alley,” said Dad.

“I’m being serious,” she said. “Honestly.”

“Well, I only got the email from the bowling alley people late last night, while you were at the old folks’ home. You were ever so tired when you got back. Besides, you don’t like bowling. I wasn’t sure you’d want to go.”

“I can take two guests,” squealed Nat. “Two friends who can see me with other celebrities.”

“Yeah, I know it’s a bit embarrassing,” said Dad. “But you can give out flyers about the ugly pets’ home.”

“Yeah, course, animals, whatevs,” said Nat. “But more importantly, I get to invite two guests to see me with other celebrities.”

“You said that already,” said Dad. “I suppose you’ll take Darius and Penny.”

“I do WANT to take them,” said Nat slowly, “but Penny’s being mean to me and Darius doesn’t fit my image.”

“Image?” said a very familiar voice in the doorway. “Have I been away long enough for you to have an image?”

Mum was laughing in the kind of way that showed she wasn’t finding it one hundred per cent funny, but Nat didn’t notice; she was just thrilled to see her.

Mum drove her to school in her fast little red car and Nat tried to explain what she had meant. Darius always said Nat’s mum was a spy, and though Nat always laughed at him, she knew Mum was very good at getting information out of her, so she chose her words very carefully.

“What I meant to say,” said Nat as Mum went through a red light, “was that Darius loose in a bowling alley might get the ugly pets’ home the wrong sort of publicity.”

“Hmmm,” said Mum. “Are you sure?”

“We want people to be on our side,” said Nat, “and not many people want to be on the same side as Darius.”

“I see what you’re saying,” admitted Mum, “but why do you think Penny is being mean to you?”

“I think she’s one of those girls who wants the spotlight on her all the time,” fibbed Nat, hoping Mum didn’t have some kind of secret agent lie detector in her handbag, as it would DEFINITELY have gone off. Penny didn’t even like being filmed doing a dance in Nat’s back garden, let alone being ‘in the spotlight’.

“Well, I guess it’s up to you,” said Mum, screeching up at the school gates.

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